YES HE DID

A proud and touching moment for all. Whether you supported Barack Obama or not, tonight's victory will affect your life and the lives of generations to come. But this win is bigger than him. It's bigger than just this election day. All around the country there are celebrations rejoicing not only for this milestone in history but for a chance at a change. But let's not forget the way we all came together today for a common purpose. And we accomplished that goal. Can we keep the momentum going and reach back, in, and out to touch those in need, to clean up our communities, to heal our societal ailments?

PS/ Don't let anyone tell you this was about race. Not all African Americans voted for Obama. Not all Whites are ultra-conservatives like McCain and Palin although she seemed to think that. Change is change. No one will see color walking into the poor house together. According to the exist polls I saw on CNN this evening, Obama-Biden voters spanned across all races, ethnicities, religions, ages, every income and educational level, AND party lines... Yes, I am a registered Independent and I know a few registered Republicans that voted for this Democratic ticket. Obama is the President for ALL of America. God bless the Obamas, the Bidens, and all of you.

Skin Deep

Spoiled by attention I'm sitting here contemplating a girl's worst fear... what happens when I'm no longer attractive. I'm not sure what it is but ever since that weird lady touched my face at Chickie & Pete's last week people have been showering me with compliments. I mean compliments are pretty much commonplace but the last week or so it has been noticeable enough for me to ponder this idea today.

This morning as I'm waiting for the elevator I was asked by a coworker my opinion of the Presidential debate last night. In the middle of my well thought out response, he harmlessly but very assertively blurts out, " You're pretty." This right after my S.O. called me his beautiful angel and even before then hearing from random people over the past several days about my "good looks," "great shape," etc...

In no way am I being vain or attempting to show any ounce of conceitedness. I am humble and accept every compliment with grace & gratitude. I pride myself on having beautiful characteristics - being a good genuine person, respecting others, seeing God in all creatures and beings. Is that what people are seeing or is it totally physical. What happens when the external beauty dies?!?

FourBucks

That's my new name for Starbucks. One tall iced vanilla soy latte yesterday morning minus $3.75 from my debit account equals a night of restless tossing & turning or the equivalent to 3 hours of sleep. I am freakin exhausted!! I started to stop by FourBucks again this morning thinking that I needed a jolt <---LOOK, it's like crack!!! I resisted the temptation and made a black tea at work instead. How else would I break the cycle.

Natural Dilemma

3 years ago when I made the decision to stop chemically straightening my hair I never realized how much time and maintenance was still required to not only keep my hair healthy but to also keep it looking good. I was excited to shed years of straight lifeless locs and start embracing my roots literally. I still get my hair pressed ever so often because I have become very accustomed to that style but as any natural sista will tell you it is not worth pressing your hair in the summer.. well at least not worth paying someone to do it because it won't last but a minute. Many people don't realize the emotional aspect behind "growing out your perm." I was trained ever since my first relaxer (maybe even before then) that straight hair is better even though those chemicals are very damaging to our hair. So I've had to go through a lot of growing and self-loving to find the courage to not only wear my curly fro as I call it around my family & friends on the weekends but to also be able to walk into my very typical Corporate-America workplace on a Monday morning with my curly locs still glistening from the mousse I scrunched in it only moments before the morning commute. So where it may not seem like such a big deal, internally I, as I am sure many other "naturals," had to at one point in time go through a physical and emotional transformation before being able to fully feel free and embrace who they are..curls, kinks, waves, and all! Thank God I'm pretty much over that part. But what brings me to today's dilemma: How to wear my hair this weekend while in Miami considering the heat, the humidity, and the beach. All weekend I struggled thinking about the many ideas and suggestions from friends ranging from my curly fro, braid sets, flat twists, to weave. I would love to wear my hair in a pressed out style but I ruled that idea out weeks ago. The moment I step one foot off the plane, my hair would look like a poofy animal was resting on top of my head therefore resorting me to ponytails the entire trip. So I wanted a style that would be grown & sexy but still versatile to look good with every outfit I plan to wear but yet low maintenance so that I can still sit out on the beach everyday and feel casual and relaxed. I decided to just wear my natual curls although I'm certain my fro won't fit under my new beach hat. Oh well, it's simple and with bobby pins & holding mousse I can style it for every occasion.

Glow

This song by Kelis featuring Raphael Saadiq is playing right now on my Pandora Radio. With approximately 10 unfinished blogs currently in draft mode I haven't been able to find the motivation, or inspiration rather, to complete and publish a single thought. Until now... Chanting the hook which goes "They'll just watch us glow" has me sitting here thinking. I love her lyrics to this song! Especially considering that last night he said I was glowing. The glow could have been from my Neutrogena Soy Radiance daily moisturizer finally starting to work after 6 months when the box clearly stated results in only 2 weeks. Or possibly the glow was a combination of the moonlight shadowing my glimmering MAC dressed eyes but it was cloudy and we were indoors. So realistically the glow was our connection shining through me. Kelis said it best "Boy you stole my heart so quickly." This is insane! Sometimes we get caught up and no common sense or reality can tell your heart otherwise. Damn I hate not being in the driver's seat at all times. Internal conflicts are the worst battles to have to deal with especially when your heart hasn't won a game yet...

In 2003

Hard to believe that it's been 5 years already. 2003 brought many great experiences and accomplishments as well as lasting memories. As cliche as it sounds, it feels like only yesterday. In 2003, 4 long grueling years of studying, speed walking through campus, darting across Broad Street, sitting in Curtis, and chilling in the SAC, came to an end as I graduated from Temple University! In 2003, I met and lived with my best friend kicking off a lifetime of memories and a tight squad of friendships. In 2003, I said farewell to many other college friends as we parted ways... Though we keep in touch a few times a year we will always have our memories. In 2003, I moved to New Jersey and began renting my very first apartment! The rent was outrageous but I learned a lot about adulthood and responsibilities. In 2003, I started as a Financial Analyst Associate in Lockheed Martin's Finance Leadership Development Program. So excited at the opportunity yet scared to death of the transition from college to the "real world". So today, 6 departments later, 3 levels higher, I celebrate my 5 year service anniversary with LM.

An Insomniac's Dream

friends, cats, to-do lists, sex, noises from outside, Zora Neale Hurston, deadlines, relationships, MONEY, redecorating, family, allergies, love, exercise, sadness, and doubt all webbed together in disarray stealing my mind away from a peaceful night's rest. As I shift over to lay on my back, I realize I am awake and this isn't a dream. My eye lids separate slowly in the dark and turn towards the alarm clock to read a glowing 12:06. ARGHHH it's after midnight...again!! I've been laying here for over an hour. Why is it so hard for me to fall asleep? Well, except for those nights I have a little wine with dinner or a Benadryl. The deep breathing technique isn't working tonight so I get up, light a few candles, and write. Writing nonsense basically just hoping this pen will laugh, scream, and cry out all the emotions and thoughts spinning out of control inside my head.

VA & Father's Day

Sorry fans, I've been a bit delinquent with the postings lately. You would think that taking the summer off from my MBA program would mean amble time to write and relax. But on the contrary, I've never been busier...

I just returned from yet another business trip but this time I felt disconnected from the universe. I didn't have Internet access during the day... no emails to friends, no IMs, and the biggest disappointment of them all - no blogging at work! I spent the week in Chantilly, VA and fortunately for me I was only 20 minutes from my friend's job. She had something planned for me every night which I truly appreciated. I kept thinking about that year I spent traveling back & forth to DC for work and had nothing to do. The majority of my time was spent working crazy hours in the office and eating dinner in the hotel alone. I really enjoyed myself this week though. Thanks friend!!

A belated Happy Father's Day... I spent some time with my dad on Sunday before driving to Virginia. I felt bad that I had to change our plans because of my last minute business trip but he understood and still appreciated the time we spent together. He kept saying he just wanted to see me and that was all. So we sat outside at the patio table in the backyard enjoying the warm weather. Later we drove to my grandmother's house to chill with her for a minute. When we got back to my parents house my brother & sister were in the kitchen at the table just like old times. We all sat around talking and reminiscing as well as laughing at the new stories my dad shared about retired life with mom and my brother's crazy stories which always end in him being chased by a dog! Those who think that I am fun-loving, caring, easy to talk to, and open-minded will fall in love with my dad. I look like him and share many of his traits and characteristics. I didn't get everything... I still can't tell a joke or narrate a great story the way he does but I'm blessed to also share his passion for knowledge and commitment to family. I've even been quoted as saying that he helped shape me into the woman that I am today. That's a very strong statement but if you know him, me, and the rest of the family then you already understand. I am very blessed to have him and I tell him every chance I get.

Good men should be honored; Good fathers should be praised.
-SJP

Does race matter?

On CNN this morning a journalist walked around New York City trying to get voter's reactions to Senator Obama's declared victory as the Democratic party presidential candidate.

History was made last night! I was on the phone with my dad most of the evening listening to the candidates and the political commentators. My dad was so proud of Senator Obama, as was I. My dad mentioned how excited his father would be too if he were still alive. My grandfather lived in the segregated south, Wilmington NC specifically, where for many years although Black Americans technically had the right to vote, unfair practices and laws such as the poll tax and literacy tests out right denied Black citizens their right. So yes, last night was a huge victory in Black History as well as a great moment in U.S. History. However, Senator Obama did not once claim this in his victory speech last night. And why would he? I ask again, does race matter?

Well according to the comments from a NYC subway commuter interviewed on CNN this morning I am inclined to say that there are far too many people that would answer Yes - they do not want a black man in office. The commuter stated that she was a Hillary Clinton supporter but if Barack was on the ballot in November she would vote for McCain. Seriously, McCain??? When asked why, this woman didn't point to any policies, beliefs, voting records, experience, or any other major issue affecting our country. This woman simply said, "I don't think America is ready for a black president." Hmmm. Interesting comment full of ignorance yet I'm sure thousands of other people in our society share this same opinion.

Race doesn't matter and it shouldn't play a role in this campaign. The better candidate should and will prevail. Senator Obama knows this and he is not making it the issue although everyone else is. My prayers go out to my fellow Americans - particularly those hiding behind their ignorance.

Never again

Why every time we hang out at that after-hours spot do I end up harmed?! I am really starting to live up to this nickname Penny
:(

So here are the top 5 reasons why I'm not drinking again (well drinking more than 2 martinis)...

5. Having the rams will get you hurt especially when you're only 5'1 and apparently attack yourself in your sleep.

4. My tolerance shuts down somewhere between 2 and 3 1/2 apple martinis.

3. Hangovers are not a good look including the one I had that lasted til this morning.

2. Bruises aren't cute; particularily the ones you don't remember getting.

and the #1 reason why I'm not ever drinking more than 2 martinis... I HAVE A DIVISION SIGN ON MY FACE!!!

Wake up & Work out

This song gets me hyped...the lyrics are hot! the funky beat is perfect for squats :)

To Maryland and Back

I live for good times with friends and this weekend perfectly captured the essence of friendship. The Sex in the City movie was a hit at the box office.. $56M and counting. I'm convinced that every woman in America went to see this movie. But why not? We all can relate to SITC. Regardless of what they go through - love, divorce, cancer, children, disagreements, careers, and distance - they put forth the effort to maintain their friendship. This weekend my best friend and I drove down to Maryland to visit our girlfriend. We had a great time just chilling and of course we went to see SITC! It was fabulous. All the style! All the drama! All the emotion! I want to see it again AND SOON! I just love how these characters represent the true meaning of friendship and why we all need girlfriends to love & support each other. I love my girlfriends so much!! And I love the Real Dudes just as much! LOL! When we got back from MD my friend and I frantically changed clothes and rushed over to Henney's birthday party (that's what I call him and I doubt I need to explain that name). Glasses of Hennessy all over the place but of course us classy chicas sipped on Martinis. I almost got groped by a drunken and under-dressed Mexican and I went to bed just as the birds started singing their morning songs but nonetheless we had fun.

Now back to the point I was trying to make about friendship...Someone made a remark in jest about us being the old squad as if we had been replaced. The thing is although I know it is very easy for this to happen, I truly believe that if both parties want the relationship to continue it will. Friendship is work! Just like a relationship but why don't people remember that?? You have to make an effort to call, to keep in touch, and to hang out as often as possible. The friendship will die otherwise... As I was in the middle of writing this blog I got a phone call from a friend. I shared my thoughts on friendship with her and she agreed. She went on to say that when all the girls are together we are ALL friends but too often we fall right back into being "Shakes' friend" or "D's friend" for example, and keeping in touch solely through other girlfriends. I know I've only been apart of the core group for 6 years now but 6 years is a long time. My goal now is to work on erasing many of those lines that sometime get in the way of developing and maintaining a true friendship.

Love Ya!

Muscle Machine

I'm on my way to becoming a lean, mean, muscle machine hahahaha!! Seriously, this past week I started taking my health more seriously by eating better and working out more often and consistently. I've never had a poor diet but at times I tend to over eat. Eating too much of a good thing is not good. Calories are calories. I won't go back to weighing and measuring my food because that was extreme but I am making a conscious effort to have portion control. And so far so good...after only 6 days I feel great; feeling less stressed and more energetic.

This morning I woke up a little early to get in a quick work out before I had to get ready for work and today has been one of my better days. Mind, body, and soul...I feel fabulous!

I think it helps to have reminders in your daily life to keep you motivated. I want to ensure that this is not a fad but a truly integrated part of my lifestyle. Seeing family members with heart disease and diabetes pushes me to fight the odds that are stacked against me but I also have positive motivators such as my upcoming trip to Miami in July.

Friends, please help be that motivation in my life as well! Let's keep each other healthy so that we can continue to make beautiful memories. Let's pledge to keep each other off the couch!!!

Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Bartley!!!

This past weekend my sister married the love of her life. The ceremony was beautiful and everyone looked amazing. It was probably one of the most fun receptions that I've been to in a long time. I love that both families have welcomed each other with open arms. I found it funny that my dad has already began sharing the secrets on how to deal with my mom's side of the family with his new son-in-law. As beautiful as the wedding was, getting to that day didn't come without obstacles but God saw them through. I pray for peace, happiness, and many blessings for their new family.

Love never fails... 1 Corinthians 13:8

It's my birthday!!!

I never like being the center of attention but I must admit it feels good letting others showcase their appreciation and love for me today. So many phone calls, emails, and text messages from family and friends wishing me a happy birthday truly warms my heart. In this day, every birthday is a milestone no matter how old you are. It's a blessing every single day that God wakes you up to enjoy another sunrise, another commute to work, another day to love and to make life better. To see another birthday is an event worth celebrating.

I had an incredible time partying with my closest friends over the weekend. I also spent a lot of alone time connecting with God as well as pampering my mind & body. I started my summer reading list - I know that sounds like I'm in the 3rd grade but I look forward to reading for fun when I'm on break from school. I also reflected on my accomplishments and created new goals and objectives for the future. So this year's birthday was more on the non-traditional side...no cake, no ice cream, no huge dinner party but I believe it was definitely my best birthday yet. Definitely better than last year. I pray I live to celebrate many more.

Thanks friends for making life more enjoyable... I thank God for each and every one of you!

Failure?

Trying to collect my thoughts and hold back any attempt at an emotional response, I did that cutesy thing I do with my shoulders and firmly stated "I don't have one". Damn I hate these types of questions. I hate being caught off guard. I never know what to say and to be honest I don't even understand why people believe it's an appropriate question to ask. As if my life, my success, my contribution to the community, my status in this world, and my ultimate happiness are all measured against one thing... marriage. Seriously let's think about this. Does that really make any sense? Ok, I'm probably over-reacting just a bit but if you heard the things that people say to me on a regular basis you would definitely be just as frustrated. Here are just a few examples... while in the process of searching for homes - to purchase as a single woman I must add - my father, who I love and respect very much but his comment rubbed me the wrong way, asks "why am I trying to buy a house now? Don't I want to get married?" Now that's frustrating!! What do you say to something like that?? I just said that I don't see how one effects the other and I left it at that. Here's another... why do people assume that something must be wrong with me if I'm single?? For the record, Never say "ohh so you must be crazy" to a woman's face... That hurts!

Don't get me wrong ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of one day meeting Prince Charming, falling in love and living happily ever after. But considering previous relationships particularly this last one I am in no rush to jump into a situation just because some people believe it's the right thing to do. It makes more sense to continue to grow and accomplish my goals as I have been doing and not getting caught up in the you're-getting-close-to-30-and-should-get-married-and-have-babies nonsense. As ideal as it is, I know in my heart that I can't handle that right now anyways. Plus, I let God's will take control..it will happen when it happens.

The older I get the more people ask "why aren't you married?" They act as if I'm 50 years old. I'm young... It's not my time... I haven't met the right one are the obvious answers. I know the intentions behind such questions are not meant to be malicious but sometimes I wish people would just mind their own business. I guess I never realized how much this issue bothers me until tonight. The question had a new spin..."How's your love life?" Wow! WTF?!? I haven't heard that one before! I know it's not a big deal, I could have easily answered and moved on or chose not to answer and still moved on but tonight for some reason I really got emotional - on the inside of course. It was just a question. He didn't mean anything by it. I totally understand that. I wouldn't ever want him to know how much it bothered me especially since I am the one who is probably being overly sensitive about it. Perhaps because I hear so much of this from certain family members. I go back & forth with grandmom still over the whole Shah break up. It's so stupid. Why do I even have to justify my decision when he was CRAZY and one swing away from being abusive.

Needless to say I know I'm really going to hear an earful in a few weeks at my sister's wedding. I'll have to be sure to put the thick skin back but for now, I have shed it, at least for this moment just to let the hurt out.

the suga continues

This is fun

Scene two in a different place, a different time. Caught up in memories I wasn't sure how to vibe but he led the way. I got acquainted with the mood infused with candles and music taking me to a level of sensual relaxation. No apple martinis this time but the energy was still sweet. I could taste it with every kiss. No, with every bite...bite of the delicious meal he prepared that is.
Wrapped together in passion we laid still listening to rhythm and blues into the morning. Our chemistry was heightened by the soft brassy sounds of the morning rain through the open window. Exposed, I felt unusually comfortable and at ease. The only thought on my mind was to hold on to that very second. Perhaps it's the sound of his voice that captivates me like an African drum and I feel more connected with every beat. Or maybe it's his songs that he shares allowing me to know what's on his mind and in his heart. Either way, I treasure the sharing and the caring lol. I hope he agrees or thinks this sounds interesting...

No Makeup

I'm not a cover girl but I rarely leave the house without at least some makeup on even if it's just lip gloss or mascara. Actually even sometimes when I'm just chillin in the house. With it, I feel like one beautiful & perfect, well put together package. Without it I feel a bit vulnerable as if I'm exposing all my flaws to the world.

This isn't really about make up. It's about letting go and showing the true you. What's real on the inside just as well as what's real on the out. Insecure is a scary word but we all have them. Some let their insecurities get the best of them when others have an unrealistic, over-inflated perception of themselves. The rest of us fall someplace along the spectrum in between these two extremes. I told a friend last week that I'm probably one of the most real people you'll ever meet. Today I was hit with a dose of reality when a family issue resurfaced. There are things that I cover up with make up, figuratively speaking, and some things that I just don't talk about at all not even in my blog diary. That's not keeping it real! I think what I should have said is that I am very honest, open, and straight forward with those that I am comfortable with seeing me with no makeup. I think that's normal though.

Star Player

How ironic that Katt Williams Friday night said we all should start taking better care of ourselves, the star player. Friday I spent the entire day pampering myself, well a good portion of the day. No work. No alarm clock. No email. No telephone. Just me taking care of my star player... getting a trim, a mani & pedi, and a massage at the Mellow Massage Center in East Falls http://www.mellowmassage.com/. I highly recommend this spot!! There I experienced 60 minutes of pure bliss. The friendly staff, the warm decor, and the calming sounds echoing throughout each room made it easy for me to relax and enjoy the massage. I'm silly because every time I get a massage I always tell myself to imagine that I'm a spaghetti noodle and to just go with the flow. It works and you enjoy them more that way! I was so relaxed I know I was probably talking in my sleep. Oh well it was fabulous! AND I'm not just saying it because my friend owns the business but I definitely appreciated the family & friends discount Gerrae ;)! I am so very proud of her and her business. It's such a great accomplishment especially at our age. I definitely plan to make taking care of my star player a regular part of the routine.

New beginnings

I always wondered how I'd feel or what I'd say when this day came.

Today I spoke to my uncle for the first time in almost 8 years. From the day I was born everyone said he and I had a special bond. I was born on his high school graduation day. I went to his house every Sunday for dinner growing up. He gave me my first set of dishes. We talked regularly. We emailed almost daily. He was the one I went to when I had roommate drama, when I needed to vent about what my sister said, or what my parents did. I could go on and on but the point is that we were tight. But one day all that changed and the contact abruptly ended. I knew he was slowing distancing himself from others in the family but I was very confused when I got cut off too.

My understanding is that he fell into a deep depression. Even that I would learn to accept but in 2003 when my grandmother was diagnosed with a terminal illness I just assumed that he would come out of seclusion. A few months passed and no response. Emails, letters, more months...no response. Phone calls, drive bys, voice mails, more months...no response. My grandmother passed away years before my uncle decided to reach out to anyone in the family. Yes he was ill both mentally and physically but I could not look past my anger and resentment to be there for him. The more he started to come around and reach out to the family, the more I thought about my grandmother and the agony she endured and it made me even more angry. I prayed to God often asking for the ability to forgive, asking Him to rebuke that evil spirit of hate and resentment. Yet all this time I never had any contact with my uncle. Greetings were exchanged only through my mother. Until tonight...

I got a call from a number I didn't recognize, a person I definitely wasn't expecting. All of the anxiety and disappointment stewing within me during the years we were estranged had disappeared. I felt nothing other than the desire to listen. We laughed a little. We cried a bit but mostly he asked questions about my life. So we made plans to meet in 2 weeks.

My brother tells me to "not focus on yesterday...it's about right now & how tomorrow's going to be." I thank God for this blessing.

Career Day 2008

The Career Day at Lankenau High School is not until April 17th but I'm excited about it already. My best friend always says that she thinks I have O.C.D. so I suppose she won't be surprised to find out that I crafted a very professional yet age-appropriate and appealing presentation on business careers in less than 30 minutes... only an hour after she sent me the details for the event. Needless to say I am at work and have a hundred other tasks to get through but I found this one more interesting and I put it at the top of my priority list.

I don't know what it is but I just love being in the classroom. Working with children has always been a passion of mine. I was approached a few years ago after my 2nd day as a Junior Achievement volunteer to consider a career as a teacher. Most people I meet say that I'd make a great teacher because of my demeanor, love of education, and my patience but my hesitation has always been the salary. It's unfortunate that our society doesn't pay teaching professionals what they actually deserve. An even bigger reality is in the school districts where teachers are needed the most, you're more than just the teacher... you're the social worker, the therapist, the hairdresser, the referee, the mentor, and the parent at times. It's not that I couldn't handle all that but the career obviously requires great responsibility with little to no recognition; however, I'm sure I'd feel much more rewarded and fulfilled at the end of each day than I do now. Maybe after I give Corporate America a few mores years I'll seriously consider the change.

Junior Achievement starts again in a few weeks. This year I'm teaching 3rd graders. I can't wait!! The 5th grade curriculum was awesome! I taught the students about business and entrepreneurship. Their "final project" was a marketing plan where they had to think about a product or service they believed society needed and then sell it to me. They were all phenomenal!! I have never been more impressed in my life. I wonder what I'll get to teach the 3rd graders this year?

Suga flow

You had rap for me but not til the end of the night.
See what had happened was we caught eyes much earlier in life but got disconnected til now. At the bar he releases his free flow about me, my vibe, my aura and I love it. He questions if I write and I see a challenge because you'd be surprised what I can do after 6 apple martinis. Now I'm here and I can't stop thinking about the taste of his energy. So very unexpected. Definitely not like me but the chemistry is unmistakable. Yes I blog and I promised to do so about this encounter. The convo continued to outside and like magnets pressed together we leaned into the future and talked about nights to come. Now I'm curious. My mind is busy trying to figure out if he was sincere since many of his words were covered in doubt. Energy doesn't lie and if he felt my vibe the way he said he did than there's no need to be unsure. I'm all about taking chances and living each day to the fullest as if tomorrow is a myth. His rap was sweet and I need to hear more...

Get involved...Be aware...VOTE

The quote under my Honest Tea bottle cap today:

"We may have all come on different ships, but we're all in the same boat now."
-Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Ready for the summer

Thanks to the March 24th Hair Stories: Quench My Thirst post on "I like her style" blog I ordered the Curly Pudding & Curly Buttercreme products from www.missjessies.com this past Monday and they arrived this afternoon! I'm excited to try these products because I love wearing my natural curls in the summer but I hate how natural hair drys out especially when using products that contain alcohol like gel and moose.

The website contains countless before and after pictures as well as testimonials about the Miss Jessie's line of products. I suggest you check it out...

April

April is my favorite month and today was a perfect April day.. rain, rain, and more rain! The rain showered the blue skies and green grass and it sounded beautiful. I sat in my office chair, closed my eyes, and listened. Thoughts of being caught in the rain consumed me... being drenched with wet, refreshing kisses soothing my soul and clearing my mind. Then my thoughts lead me to being snuggled in a cozy bed below a large window sill being hammered with rain. Making love all day and then falling asleep listening to the brassy sounds...
I love rainy days!

Whew

Why do nut ass dudes even exist? I seriously want an answer.

I woke up in such a great mood this morning and then a NAD came along and had to ruin it. Everyone knows I avoid drama like the plague because I don't like to let my evil side out very often but I had to this afternoon. Is it ever that serious to keep calling over and over and over again and leaving nut ass messages?? WTF sir?!?

But it's over now... problem solved... Whew!

House rules

I have to say that this past Easter Sunday was one of the best in a very long time. Driving down to see the family often feels like more of a chore than anything. Don't get me wrong.. I love them but I suppose I'm used to being alone & independent so their smothering behavior is a huge turn off.

Sunday I also spent time with the nieces & nephews. I can't remember the last holiday that they were all even around. Of course Jordan wasn't there but I'll catch him in a few weeks. My brother and I got to finally hang out too. I am so proud of the man he has become and is continuing to grow into. His job as a mailman keeps him busy for 12+ hours a day at times so we mostly communicate in brief phone calls or text message. Growing up with siblings is not always the most pleasant situation. Sibling rivalry is a b$tch and being as though it was really just me & him in the house (meaning no other brothers for him to rough up) I was not fond of having a baby brother...the time he pushed me down grandmom's back porch and I almost plummeted to my death...the time he thought we were WWF wrestlers and he damn near murdered me in the living room...oh maybe I should stop this before you get the wrong idea. We were kids lol!!

So he & I were partners on Sunday in a game of spades. My family loves to play spades! I always tell people my dad wanted 2 kids just to get a spades game going lol. And he taught us well..We played my mom's old neighbors and although we were half their age we gave them a good ol' fashion ass whoopin' - drinking & talking shit - just like we were taught lol!

Luvoholic

I sometimes feel as blue as a mid-day November sky when I think about what I don't have and what I yearn for. It's so easy to imagine yourself in the shoes of others with money, with husbands, with families, with love. Every vision, every song, every voice is a reminder of the emptiness I often feel even in the presence of others. Those are the moments when you can't wait to disappear into a dark corner and melt into a ball and do just that... cry. I wouldn't call it depression but I'd say it's some mixture of envy, impatience, and sadness that awakens within ever so often. But just like that, as quickly as it appeared, the feeling is gone. I wake up in love again. In love with me, in love with him, in love with you...

(note: friends, as promised, this is NOT another blog about Johnny Walker)

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

I've only been wearing it for a week but Chocolate Shake-speare is my new favorite O.P.I. nail polish color. It's fun & feminine...just like Shakes!

My Baby

Paris is having surgery as we speak. Maybe you think "so what," but this is a big deal to me. I love this cat so much!!!! My mind and emotions are battling out whether to cry my eyes out or chill and wait for the surgeon to call back. I have no idea what to do right now. So I just wait...and pray...and wait some more.

He may have some type of obstruction in his intestines and that could be what's causing him to be so sick. Any surgery is risky but I was told it would be more risky not to act fast so there you go. A perfectly healthy two year old Tonkinese undergoing anesthesia and "the knife"...I know he's scared but something tells me I'm probably more shook up than he is. I have to remember that he's at one of the best hospitals in the nation for veterinary medicine so of all places to be he's in the right hands and my family, friends, and I are all praying for his fast recovery.

Where were these words earlier today?

I remember it just like it was yesterday. It's very hard to believe that it's been almost 3 years. At first, you were the perfect gentleman... manners, a great family, loving. I fell in love... hard. Then something changed. For a long time you led me to believe the source was me. You convinced me that I was not caring, I was rude, and that I no longer loved you. It took me almost an entire year to realize that it wasn't me at all. IT WAS YOU! You tried to get in my head, tried to change me, tried to pull me away from those I really loved - all to make me yours. The day I broke free I knew I'd made the right decision. Pounds of heavy burdens and grief instantly released from my body. My mind was free to play in dreams again and I was able to start a new journey. My love which had disappeared long ago returned so my heart could embrace feelings of connections and romance again.

All that. Yes after all that you still tried to make me feel like the villain. Even after I severed ties with you, you thought you'd be able to manipulate me one last time or at least wound my self esteem enough that I'd come crawling back. Well listen, it didn't work and it never will. I'm above the games, the name calling, the accusations, the manipulation, the lies, the empty promises, and even the reaching out...so just stop. I've never been happier!

If that makes me bitter then ok, I'm bitter.
As you said "Go to hell please" hahahahahahaha

Chicken & Waffles

I miss Roscoe's. You cannot visit LA without stopping by one of the many House of Chicken & Waffles locations. Didn't see Roscoe or any celebs this visit but the food was great so it was well worth it. I'm glad Brian was here to show me around... He said he'd do the same the next time I come out with the girls!

I'm loving it out here. Where has the week gone!? Today I seriously explored the idea of living in the Los Angeles area. I haven't ruled out the idea so we shall see...

I'm going going back back to Cali Cali...

Well actually I'm already here. It has been a tumultuous 48 hours and I can't wait to get in my bed Saturday night and sleep until Monday. First, yesterday was supposed to be a light day. I planned to leave work early to go home pack, clean, and go to bed early since I knew my day would start at 4 am. Well that didn't happen. A 3 hour impromptu meeting in the middle of the day caused me to leave work late. Then I arrived home to find a very sick cat & vomit everywhere that I had to clean up on top of the hundred other things I needed to do before 4. Thankfully I was able to do what I needed to do to make the flight but I had to leave Paris home. Thank God my good friend was able to take him to the vet today and she'll also be able to stop by throughout the day during this week while I'm away to give Paris his medication.

Let me not harp on the negatives... I'm in Los Angeles!!! I arrived safe & sound, the weather is gorgeous, the LA office is amazing, the food is incredible out here, and I feel honored that I was even asked to take part in this project.

I'm meeting up with an old friend from college tomorrow. I'm looking forward to sightseeing and heading over to Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles (E - I'll tell Roscoe you said Hello!!)
I hope I meet Snoop...

Margaritas & Manicures

Two people this week told me that we are like the black Sex In The City. I like that! The more I think about it the more I agree. Despite the age and income differences we do share a lot of similarities especially on each of our "Birthday Weekend Extravaganzas!! But who's who?? I think I'm the Charlotte York of squad...

The semi-surprise 27th birthday weekend planned for our closest friend was perfect! Margaritas...manicures...girl talk...shopping...swanky center city night out...and good ol' IHOP to top off the weekend's events. We weren't able to squeeze in the tattoos but there's plenty of time for that. It's hard to plan for someone who is used to planning events on their own so I really hope she enjoyed herself!

People will probably be expecting me to come up with my bday plans in about a month or so... I'll just say this now. I'm not doing anything big. Just dinner. Just us!

Hands Off!!!

They say I sometimes over-react but you know I can get very possessive... I just don't like the idea of someone else's grubby paws all over my belongings. Need I remind you of the the Pumpkim spice creamer incident from a few months ago. I nearly had a heart attack when it went missing from the office fridge. Now this! My thoughts are spinning faster than those people in that spinning class at the gym... my heart rate is steadily climbing and I can feel the taste of horrible evil words ready to burst out of my tight-liped mouth.

SOMEONE DELETED MY FOLDER FROM THE NETWORK DRIVE. The thing is someone moved it last week too but I found it and replaced it to its original location. So the first time I'll let slide as a silly misstake. But this time was no accident. Who The F&#~@!?!? I use this folder to store critical files for my weekly cash forecasts to Corporate so you can see why I'm mad. To be continued...

Whoknows

Whoknows what is really on your mind and what you really wanted to say. I made so much room for you in my heart and in my life but yours was too crowded. Then the tables turned. I'm not sure when though. And now I sense you want something different...perhaps something more. As smart as I claim to be, reading minds is not one of the things I've mastered. Actions speak louder than words and right now your actions are leaving me speachless..perplexed...alone. Speak up, feelings get hurt otherwise. I am truly a different breed...one of "dem jawns Webbie be singing 'bout." Meaning I'm no groupie and I don't belong to any fan club. It takes a lot to boo-me...love-me...keep-me. I guess I should get a warning lable for next time.

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day to all and to all a good night ;)

Diagnosis Unknown

I know one thing... Monday is not coming fast enough!! I really need the results of my lab work ASAP!! This whole not sleeping / losing weight / excelerated heart rate / memory loss and a boat load of other symptoms I can't even mention in public is scary and I'm starting to crack. I keep telling myself to not stress about it because that will probably just increase my anxiety and stress levels making all the symptoms worse. But I'm more concerned that I may not be comfortable skiing this weekend because of my heart rate. It's already uncomfortable just trying to do the things I normally do on a regular basis.
I don't know what I'll do if the results come back inconclusive. At least if I have a hyperactive thyroid gland a simple pill will bring me back to normal. I can't continue living like an irritable, fraile, exhausted looking zombie.

Office Space

I'm movin' on up - up out of cube life into my manager's old office. Today is my first full day in the office in the new role. Did I mention my office is next to the Director?! It's exciting! I'm sure this feeling will wear off but for now I will enjoy it. As I sit hear listening to music and starring out the window I can't help but to thank God for blessing me. I've done a lot in my short career with this company but it's still hard to believe that I've jumped 3 levels and $25k in only 4 years. Just the thought makes my skin tingle. I can feel the excitment bubbling through my veins! I could literally do cartwheels down the ailse outside my door. Be right back...

I've got a golden ticket

I've been smiling and singing that song all day... just like I said I would. Isn't it fun when you find out you have so much in common with someone. Even the most silly & bizzare things such as being the only 2 adults in the whole-wide world that watch Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory regularly.

There's something nostalgic about that movie. I watch it with young eyes and anticipation every time and it never gets old. I'm hoping this is symbolic...

Sistas

Your opinions mean everything to me. Last night reaffirmed that I can tell you anything and you'll be as open minded as possible. I mean you also played devil’s advocate but I really needed that too. I don't know why I thought I needed to keep quiet these last 2 weeks but that "little secret" was burning my insides up. If this fizzles or if it lasts I'm happy to know I'll have your support.
Thanks Sis!

BTW / the name of this artwork is "I Got Your Back" by Debra Renee Jeter

Love is in the air

AND IT STINKS!
Valentines Day candies, Valentines Day cards, Valentines Day conversations, Valentines Day proposals, Valentines Ugh!! It's so annoying! I don't mean to sound bitter because I'm not. Even when I had boyfriends during this time of the year I felt that Valentines Day was over-rated and full of disappointment. This is one reason why I'm glad I'm single now and have the option to enjoy a perfect Valentines Day evening alone pampering myself. Well, that's what I'll be doing unless I get asked out on a date at the last minute.

Trouble Sleeping

And over-the-counter sleep aids aren't working.

Dating

Not what it's cracked up to be - definitely could be much more than what it really is. Whens the last time you were on a real date? Dinner...movies...cocktails... or any combination of fun activities with someone of the opposite sex you were genuinely interested in?? Well, it's been several weeks for me. Too infrequent for my liking. Is it unrealistic to expect to be asked out often? Maybe it's because the economy is bad so I should simply blame the current administration and their long overdue strategies on boosting consumer spending to turn around the recession.. See there I go being too intellectual and over analyzing again...perhaps the reason why no one calls...

housewarming...house party...home invasion

I can honestly say that I had an incredible time. Even with the drama, I'm happy and in good spirits. Great friends make life exciting and I consider myself blessed. To come together and celebrate milestones and personal accomplishments the way we do is remarkable.

PS/ Ladies and Zak... Thanks for being there to pick up the pieces!!!! My mood would have been totally different had it not been for you.

Why????

I usually don't blog this early in the day but writing out my feelings is the only way I know how to get my thoughts together enough in order to move on with the rest of my day...

The news this morning was suffocating. Mom called to see if I was getting ready for work. "Of course not" I groaned because I always oversleep! Then she got quiet and I knew something was wrong. My mind raced with the names and faces of the people I knew she was calling to tell me had passed. I was never expecting to hear Frankie's name. Never! She continued..."Frankie was shot and killed last night." Tears rolling down my face I screamed "Why???" God makes no mistakes and I know we shouldn't question but seriously this is the second young person HE has taken from my family this month. I'm so sad but my heart aches more for my Aunt and my cousin's kids. Please keep them in your prayers...

Resolution

To always live in this moment.
I'm learning that you can't continue to put things or people off to another day as that day may never come.

Rainy Night

All night you sing to me. I close my eyes and listen to familiar melodies I yearn for when the days are long. Though roaring and strong, I feel your gentleness as I lay back and wait for more. I reach out but I'm captivated and weak. Your harmonies calm my soul and I fall off to sleep...

Girlfriends

You all are strong, influential women that mean the world to me. School, careers, families, and distance may keep us apart at times but please know how much you mean to me and that you’re always apart of me. We may not speak everyday but I need you to know that I love you. Just wanted to share…

Newness

Newness: the feelings of excitement and fun-loving times one experiences at the pre-beginnings of a romantic relationship. Ha!! Yeah I know that sounds like it came from Webster’s but I just made up that definition. But we all know the feeling. My longest relationship lasted for 2 ½ years but technically if you discount the amount of time we spent doing the long-distance thing and multiply it by the number of nights we couldn’t stand to be around each other when we were actually together, minus the special occasions he ruined with his lack of emotion for anyone other than himself, then divide that by the number of times we actually were happy I think the true number is really 8 months. Historically I average about 4-5 months though. Perhaps it’s because eventually the newness dissipates and we lose interest. This time around, I want something substantial that will endure…. But I must stress that I am not rushing into anything as I understand how much work is required to build and maintain a strong, healthy relationship. My career and education are important to me at this stage in my life. I also am finding the necessary “Me time” needed to reconnect with myself, defining the next set of life goals, and strengthening the bonds that I currently have in my life.

First blog of 2008

Happy New Years! My apologies for it taking so long. Blame it on Verizon.. I’ve been without Internet and cable service for 3 weeks. But having Fios and their free promotional LCD flat screen television is well worth the wait in my opinion. So now I fill my evenings with knitting, DVD movie rentals, listening to old CDs, and reading. I feel so out of touch with reality… no weather updates, no Today show, no Style network, no 106 & Park!! ARGHH!!
So what’s new? I’ve settled into the condo. I absolutely love it. My father and friends helped me paint and I’m starting to add the finishing decorative touches around the place. It’s fabulous in a sort of one-bedroom-first-starter-home kind of way. At work, I’ve been promoted to the lead of my department. I’m taking over more of the high level cash forecasting and tracking that I’ve always found more interesting. I know it will be challenging juggling those responsibilities as well as providing overall direction to the team but I’m looking forward to it. This is what I love… taking something that seems nearly impossible then figuring out how it works so that I can control it and make it my own.