Thursday, December 27, 2007

Homeowner


Yes that's right... a homeowner! After 2 long years of searching and several disappointments I finally found a condo that I fell in love with and as of Christmas Eve, it's officially mine. I have to thank God for this blessing!!

The housewarming will be January 19th for family and January 26th for my friends. Evite will be sent soon.

Head of the Class

Grades are in...
Despite the added responsibilities at work, the stress of moving, the frustrating process of buying a home, a failed long distance relationship and his bullshit, and the battle with procrastination.... I got a 4.0!!!

This Christmas

Christmas never feels the same. Every year it feels more commerical and over-rated. I can remember being an excited 6 year old little girl waking up early on Christmas morning, quietly creeping down the stairs into the living room to see what Santa had left under the gleaming Christmas tree. Nowadays, I believe I must be on Santa's naughty list :(

This Christmas was welcomed by games, drinks, and best friends! Later in the day I drove to Delaware to see my family then had to hike it back in time to get ready for work the next day. I doubt I'll ever be that excited little girl waiting up all night for Santa but I am so very blessed to be able to spend the day with the people I love the most.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Philly girl

Just wanted to let everyone know that I had a successful transition. My dad, nephews and nephew's dad drove up from Delaware yesterday morning to move all of my belonging from the apartment into storage. So now me and the kitties are staying in Philly with my best friend for a few weeks until I go to settlement for the condo.

I must thank you all for your thoughts, kind words, and prayer. Seriously, I wish I could express how much I truly appreciate your support. I'm not out of the woods yet but at least the biggest obstacle is now out the way and I can focus solely on the condo.

I'm sure you can observe through my writings over the last 6 weeks that I have been anxiously awaiting this day and it came and went without any problems. I'm beyond elated that I was able to close that chapter in my life and now I look forward to starting the next phase. The stress is over. The fear is gone. I'm back!!

Friday, November 30, 2007

All the above

Corn ball...noodle...nut ass dude..."Peace brother"...square...30 year old nobody...
Tried to play me but got played in the end.

Monday, November 26, 2007

A Thanks for Giving

...life to grow & to inspire others
...opportunity to shine every chance I get
...dreams to play in and share
...disappointment to keep me grounded
...friendships both lifelong and seasonal
...an offer letter before I signed those Air Force documents
...guidance when my mind is too cluttered to even eat or sleep
...family, disfunctions and all
...love even when I'm being a complete witch
...Facebook and all those people you've allowed to re-enter my life
...a place to call home even when its not mine
...enemies - T.I. calls them motivation and so will I
...a senior level position in 3yrs when the haters said I didn't deserve it
...a management position in 5 yrs???
...pain - how else would I remember my life lessons
...Lockheed's tuition reimbursement - MBA in Dec 08 holla!!
...comfort for my soul when its battered and torn. Special thanks for your comfort today!
...prayer cuz you're so easy to talk to

The righteous are never forsaken so please continue to lead me in that direction.
Amen

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

A.P.B

Not sure who released the news of my newly found single-status but nonetheless the word is out. Ex boyfriends and old acquaintances unite and have managed to crawl out of the deep, dark crevices of the earth to send their condolences and to ask me out. Ahahaha!! According to my horoscope in Essence this month I should beware. No need to revisit the past I say. Yes I still sometimes think of you but mostly I find this all amusing that after so many years, relationships, tears, and miles you still think of me. Am I emitting some type of special pheromone that only single women release? Either way, I'm not interested. In my heart I know what I want and if I haven't said it to you then please note you are not the one. Thanks but not thanks...

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Another rainy day...

This song always picks me up every time I hear it, especially on a day like today. Although my spirit is still in a melancholy phase of mourning, I am finding solace in my belief in love... it's out there somewhere.
My only question though is does love disappear or was it never really there to begin with?

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Recipe for tears

Perhaps I'm more hurt than even I realized. Finally, just a few moments ago, I let go and I cried my eyes out. I can't totally blame my explosion of emotion on that Mad Mex Big Azz Margarita or Al Green's For the Good Times immersing my car with sorrow as I sat in the parking lot but I'm sure the combination had a lot to do with me letting down my guard and facing what is truly in my heart. It's not that I miss him, it's just that I'm disappointed things ended the way they did. More so that the relationship took a turn for the worse a little over a year ago yet we did nothing collectively to turn it around. He, angry and comfortable. Me, unhappy and withdrawn. Both in denial. Two and a half years. Over just like that. And we don't speak. We won't ever speak again. It wasn't supposed to end this way.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Stress

Butterflies in my tummy
Desperately trying to free
Light pulsations in my hands
And drama all around me
Sensations to sleep all day
And bullshit half the damn night
No focus or direction
Nor aid anywhere in sight
Oh what a situation
I find myself in today
Never again and no more
These feelings must go away
Time may be the only thing
That will get me through this mess
Keep praying for me y'all
As I cope with all this stress.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Good morning dedication

I had a horrible day on Monday. You know all the drama going on in my life right now... school projects, year-end work pressures, and my move. This entire life transition has my stomach doing flips and my head spinning in circles. I can't focus and I'm finding it difficult to sleep, eat, relax, get motivated, pretty much everything except chill with you. I went to bed stressed out and woke up this morning praying that my Tuesday would not be a repeat of the day before and then, at that very second, you called...

The Red Zone


Or "The Zone" as I've affectionately come to call it represents that special time of the month where I actually don't feel all that special, or comfortable, or attractive, etc - you see where I'm going with this...

This afternoon I attempted to brainstorm a list of reasons why having a period is, in fact, very special so that I could make myself and all women in the world reading this blog feel empowered. Well, I couldn't come up with anything! But today during lunch I went to Macy's and I bought a fabulous blush and a new pressed powder from the MAC counter which made me ecstatic! Perhaps these few days a month are God's way of reminding women to pamper ourselves and to embrace our femininity.

Any thoughts?

Monday, November 12, 2007

Nip/Tuck


It’s hard to digest the news that Kanye West’s mother, Donda West, passed away this weekend as a result of complications from cosmetic surgery. As many of you know, I have consulted with doctors in the past regarding cosmetic surgery, despite the insurance company’s rejections and inappropriate alternatives. Even as recent as last Thursday I considered sparking up the conversation with my doctor again.

The reports did not disclose what type of procedure Ms. West endured; however to subject oneself to any type of surgery involves risks. That’s one of the first things the plastic surgeon tries to get you to understand… you can die! Yet going through life with a distorted self-image or what I consider a deformity can often overshadow all risks. Cosmetic surgery is glamorized in our culture today through televisions shows like FX’s Nip/Tuck, ABC’s Extreme Makeover, and Discovery Health’s Plastic Surgery: Before and After. You cannot watch E! or the Style Network without hearing about some celebrity’s recent surgical procedure. It’s everywhere!
God bless the West family. I pray Kanye can find comfort in God during this time and that the media gives him the privacy he’s requested.

Is beauty worth dying for???

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Coming of age

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I just wanna be loved

So I'm in the car this morning rushing to meet my real estate agent to see yet another condo. It's so unbearably cold and rainy outside. I hate mornings like this. Anyways, the new Jill Scott CD is playing in the background and as it continued to track 14 I almost slammed on the brakes. Jill stop playin'!!! How did you know? I mean seriously did you write this song with my heart in mind? I couldn't have said it better myself. Isn't it crazy when you hear songs that touch you in just the right spot at just the right time?! Get the album if you haven't done so already!

Don't feel no pity for me Cause I'm going through a couple things, Life means change, That's the way it goes, goes. All my life I had a constant burning A strong deep desire An aching ambiguous,yearning,yearning,yearning. For something better. For something bigger. For something wider. For something higher.And lots of regrets Cause I ain't seem to found it yet. I've been searching around the world Never knowing what to expect. I get sad sometimes Yes I be mad sometimes Cause I'm out here on the grind Making mine And I still can't seem to find What I've been looking for. Opened so many doors For real,yo. I just wanna be loved...I just wanna be loved, Like everybody else does. I just wanna be loved...

Friday, November 9, 2007

Bellini Kisses


Bellinis...You make them my favorite drink. Perfect blend of effervescent desire and sweet passions. No better way to set the mood tonight.

Lost and Found

Call off the search party... the creamer was "found" in the fridge around 5 o'clock today. It's obvious that someone moved it or had it all this time and just remembered to put it back. Either way I still want to be pissed about it.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Phenomenal Woman

I attended the Pennsylvania Governor’s Conference for Women today. To describe the event in one word...FABULOUS! There were over 5,000 women in attendance from all walks of life, various shapes, sizes, colors, ages, and backgrounds with one very important thing in common... we are women looking to do more with our lives, careers, families, and communities.

Through the many speakers, many internationally known authors, businesswomen, comedians, etc., I learned a great deal about myself. The biggest take-away for me today was don’t be afraid to follow your dreams. I know that sounds so cliché but it is critical to happiness and balance. I am very settled into my comfort zone and I often become frightened when I think about exploring other career paths or any life changing decision for that matter. One speaker said "Whichever dream makes you sick to your stomach when you think about it...do that one first." You don't fear the things you don't want to do. It's only those dreams that scare us the most that we truly want to be realized.

So from now until my last day I will set out to accomplish the following (in no particular order). With prayer and your support, I plan to achieve every one of my dreams...thank you!

-Stop taking "No" for an answer. Ask again, and again, and again...till I get the results I want.
-Finish my MBA but continue lifelong learning.
-Take painting and art classes to develop technique
-Become a Big Sister / mentor
-Take a culinary course
-Start a business or partnership
-Fall in love, get married, and have a beautiful family
-Run for public office
-Write a book

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Cross My Mind..

Ohh I love this song! Thanks for sending it G. Damn it's been a minute... the steps outside Tuttleman.. My bronchitis.. Philly 2005...
"But the reality, honestly, is you were never good for me and I was never good for you. I just remember what we used to do." - Jill Scott

Wednesday Woes

The day started out so perfectly...
A special Good Morning wake up call from my cutie, a stop at the local bagel shop for a deliciously toasted honey nut oat bagel, a Jay-Z interview on the radio, AND I'm actually on time for work! "To complete this picture of bliss.. a cup of coffee!," I thought to myself.

"Hello.. Yes Good morning coworkers...smiles all around as I make my way to the office kitchen.... Oh My F*cking GOD where is my creamer?!?...Who the hell moved it?! Better yet, who used it?! It's missing!! I just brought it last Thursday! Why is it not here??? Ohhh I'm going to be miserable all day.

Damn you Wednesday! You won again.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

The Sweetest Tattoo

I found this while I was packing. Maybe one day I'll feel this way again. I still believe in Black Love.
Tigerlily circa 2001...

This feels so comfortable...
laying in your arms
starring into your eyes
being so close
This feels so natural...
laying in your bed
starring into your soul
being in your presence
This feels so right...
laying in love
starring at our future
being in your life

Monday, November 5, 2007

Starting Over



As I watch the amber leaves outside my window dancing whimsically in the autumn wind, I am reassured by Mother Nature that now is the perfect time for a new beginning. Just as winter’s cruel touch hardened the life within this tree, spring’s warm kiss awakened the spirit that was there all along. Refreshing sweetness of autumn breezes gently caress my face and rescued my heart from the unbearable summer fire. Thank GOD summer doesn’t last forever!

So what's in a name?

Ode to October Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Tigerlily..the alias I love to use. Well, we’ve never met but I was told your name was Lily, mother of the most important women in my life. Common soul, passions, and a beauty mark! I appreciate your life and I am sorry it was tragically taken away.
Honor Strong Women!