Trying to collect my thoughts and hold back any attempt at an emotional response, I did that cutesy thing I do with my shoulders and firmly stated "I don't have one". Damn I hate these types of questions. I hate being caught off guard. I never know what to say and to be honest I don't even understand why people believe it's an appropriate question to ask. As if my life, my success, my contribution to the community, my status in this world, and my ultimate happiness are all measured against one thing... marriage. Seriously let's think about this. Does that really make any sense? Ok, I'm probably over-reacting just a bit but if you heard the things that people say to me on a regular basis you would definitely be just as frustrated. Here are just a few examples... while in the process of searching for homes - to purchase as a single woman I must add - my father, who I love and respect very much but his comment rubbed me the wrong way, asks "why am I trying to buy a house now? Don't I want to get married?" Now that's frustrating!! What do you say to something like that?? I just said that I don't see how one effects the other and I left it at that. Here's another... why do people assume that something must be wrong with me if I'm single?? For the record, Never say "ohh so you must be crazy" to a woman's face... That hurts!
Don't get me wrong ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of one day meeting Prince Charming, falling in love and living happily ever after. But considering previous relationships particularly this last one I am in no rush to jump into a situation just because some people believe it's the right thing to do. It makes more sense to continue to grow and accomplish my goals as I have been doing and not getting caught up in the you're-getting-close-to-30-and-should-get-married-and-have-babies nonsense. As ideal as it is, I know in my heart that I can't handle that right now anyways. Plus, I let God's will take control..it will happen when it happens.
The older I get the more people ask "why aren't you married?" They act as if I'm 50 years old. I'm young... It's not my time... I haven't met the right one are the obvious answers. I know the intentions behind such questions are not meant to be malicious but sometimes I wish people would just mind their own business. I guess I never realized how much this issue bothers me until tonight. The question had a new spin..."How's your love life?" Wow! WTF?!? I haven't heard that one before! I know it's not a big deal, I could have easily answered and moved on or chose not to answer and still moved on but tonight for some reason I really got emotional - on the inside of course. It was just a question. He didn't mean anything by it. I totally understand that. I wouldn't ever want him to know how much it bothered me especially since I am the one who is probably being overly sensitive about it. Perhaps because I hear so much of this from certain family members. I go back & forth with grandmom still over the whole Shah break up. It's so stupid. Why do I even have to justify my decision when he was CRAZY and one swing away from being abusive.
Needless to say I know I'm really going to hear an earful in a few weeks at my sister's wedding. I'll have to be sure to put the thick skin back but for now, I have shed it, at least for this moment just to let the hurt out.
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A collection of my latest thoughts and feelings
7 comments:
you know I dig what you're saying. I think dating nowadays is for the birds but then it can be so beautiful. An older man told my mother its hard out there for a man to find a good woman. She thought about her "ceddy" and the nonsense women I've dated and called me to tell me about it.
We are young and this weekend alone I have heard about 3 people getting engaged. I am happy for some, confused about others. All of this getting married just to be married equates to this high divorce rate.
Don't let the questions get to you; you know exactly why you're single and it is ok. Gets a lil lonely sometime but then you can just call up this suga man you keep writing about. Either way I think that you admitting that you're not ready for all that is admirable. Peace and Love~
My issue is with the marriage perceptions. Some individuals just want to marry just b/c they think its the thing to do. Yet once they marry and find out that their partner does not fulfill all of their expectations then they are ready for a divorce.
The vow in marriage holds so much significance for a person that truely understands what marriage entails.
People need to comprehend their roles in a marriage and to do so one must understand their religion. To be christian (as I am) one must understand that the woman is suppose to be submissive to the man (not a negative but an honor) and the man is suppose to treasure the woman as God treasures the church.
One reference is Ephesians chapter 5. If two individuals are not ready to hold to the design for marriage by God then they should not wed.
In my mind it is better to be single and content with your life then to have an unstable marriage that does not represent God's Intent for marriage (to give reciprocal sacrificial love and pass the wisdom of God to your offspring).
Only a man that will honor you deserves to have your hand in marriage and you have to be ready to fulfill the requirements as a wife and companion. You'll know when you are ready!
I don't know why I got so worked up over such a silly thing but I truly appreciate your comments. It helps to be reassured that I'm not crazy LOL. Seriously, I appreciate that there are others out there that value the sanctity of marriage and don't take the vows lightly.
I was joking around the other day when I told someone that I'd make the perfect stepmom but I started to hyperventilate as soon as the words left my lips. As much as I love the idea of marriage and family I am 100% sure that I'm not there yet. It still scares me lol.
God will make me ready when it's time so that's why I don't stress it. I think I just got upset a bit when I started to doubt myself. You should never allow anyone to make you start doubting your actions or your character and that's something I will continue to work on.
ummm,
ok
shake money, i was there that night when he said that now where were we so i can get my thoughts straight and GO OFF.
lol
At the table...after he told us about his wife & the football player. You both were talking about something..maybe about zak? then all of a sudden out of nowhere he leaned forward around you to look at me and asked "Hows your love life."
Next time somebody asks that question, you can just say "it's fine" - because it is. They don't need to know any more than that.
This is such a great dialog… so many things being said here are true. And it’s important to have them written for those of us that may need reassurance. Because, you ARE ok… better than ok… A-OK! Great as a matter of fact.
We strive for so many things in this life based upon societal standards… not our own. We search for a life that may or may not be for us and in doing so we miss out on so much that IS for us to experience. It is just as wonderful for the 19 year old who found their life-long mate “early” as it is for the older woman who found her life-long mate a little later in life. For each, it’s the way their lives were meant to be. No need to apologize for living your life! :)
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