All Dogs Go to Heaven

I remember the very first time I saw her. Reese came riding down the street on his BMX bike with a puppy under his arm. An adorable tiny fawn colored puppy full of energy. Jay Short's dog Missy delivered only one puppy and they couldn't keep it. So Reese brought her to my house. I guess since we had owned every other type of animal so why not give us a dog too. She was too precious for a typical dog name, so I named her Shana. It's hard to believe that was almost 12 years ago. She was very special. Not just because she was the only puppy in the litter but because she brought my family so much love and joy over the years. She's seen the children grow up, summer BBQs in the backyard - (her favorite place!), fist fights in the house, and many holiday gatherings. Shana was incredibly smart for a dog. She would run around the house looking for our bird when you'd ask her "Shana, where's Butterbean?" although he had been dead for months. She knew to look out of the closest door or window when you'd ask "Who's outside Shana?" She also knew to jump down off the sofa anytime mom came home. Well that was until dad caught Shana in his chair watching the Craftmatic Adjustable bed commercial...she refused to get off of the furniture after that day. And I'll always remember how much she loved going for walks and riding in my brother's car.
Jason, remember when the billy goat dog stole your rhymes? I miss her already...

A New Year, A New You

2008 brought so many accomplishments as well as complications and I'm shocked that its all in the past now. With every day I grow stronger and wiser... well that is what I pray for. I look forward to the adventures that lay ahead in the coming months but I want to take a moment to reflect and remember... Mia & Frankie, the housewarming OH LAWD, the ski trip, Dee's surprise birthday weekend, the LA office experience, why do I have cat bills, being proud of my baked mac & cheese, My 27th birthday party at Bamboo, Sex in the City the Movie, our first kiss, Miami with the girls, my 3rd and final tatoo, falling in love, countless other birthday parties, baby steps up the corporate ladder, weekends with friends & family, getting a taste of pole dancing and loving it, the Obamas becoming our first family-elect, the 1st anniversary of purchasing my condo, Erica's bday in DC, holiday festivities, my short hair cut, and the best new year's eve ever.
*smiles & tears*

Happy 2009!

YES HE DID

A proud and touching moment for all. Whether you supported Barack Obama or not, tonight's victory will affect your life and the lives of generations to come. But this win is bigger than him. It's bigger than just this election day. All around the country there are celebrations rejoicing not only for this milestone in history but for a chance at a change. But let's not forget the way we all came together today for a common purpose. And we accomplished that goal. Can we keep the momentum going and reach back, in, and out to touch those in need, to clean up our communities, to heal our societal ailments?

PS/ Don't let anyone tell you this was about race. Not all African Americans voted for Obama. Not all Whites are ultra-conservatives like McCain and Palin although she seemed to think that. Change is change. No one will see color walking into the poor house together. According to the exist polls I saw on CNN this evening, Obama-Biden voters spanned across all races, ethnicities, religions, ages, every income and educational level, AND party lines... Yes, I am a registered Independent and I know a few registered Republicans that voted for this Democratic ticket. Obama is the President for ALL of America. God bless the Obamas, the Bidens, and all of you.

Skin Deep

Spoiled by attention I'm sitting here contemplating a girl's worst fear... what happens when I'm no longer attractive. I'm not sure what it is but ever since that weird lady touched my face at Chickie & Pete's last week people have been showering me with compliments. I mean compliments are pretty much commonplace but the last week or so it has been noticeable enough for me to ponder this idea today.

This morning as I'm waiting for the elevator I was asked by a coworker my opinion of the Presidential debate last night. In the middle of my well thought out response, he harmlessly but very assertively blurts out, " You're pretty." This right after my S.O. called me his beautiful angel and even before then hearing from random people over the past several days about my "good looks," "great shape," etc...

In no way am I being vain or attempting to show any ounce of conceitedness. I am humble and accept every compliment with grace & gratitude. I pride myself on having beautiful characteristics - being a good genuine person, respecting others, seeing God in all creatures and beings. Is that what people are seeing or is it totally physical. What happens when the external beauty dies?!?

FourBucks

That's my new name for Starbucks. One tall iced vanilla soy latte yesterday morning minus $3.75 from my debit account equals a night of restless tossing & turning or the equivalent to 3 hours of sleep. I am freakin exhausted!! I started to stop by FourBucks again this morning thinking that I needed a jolt <---LOOK, it's like crack!!! I resisted the temptation and made a black tea at work instead. How else would I break the cycle.

Natural Dilemma

3 years ago when I made the decision to stop chemically straightening my hair I never realized how much time and maintenance was still required to not only keep my hair healthy but to also keep it looking good. I was excited to shed years of straight lifeless locs and start embracing my roots literally. I still get my hair pressed ever so often because I have become very accustomed to that style but as any natural sista will tell you it is not worth pressing your hair in the summer.. well at least not worth paying someone to do it because it won't last but a minute. Many people don't realize the emotional aspect behind "growing out your perm." I was trained ever since my first relaxer (maybe even before then) that straight hair is better even though those chemicals are very damaging to our hair. So I've had to go through a lot of growing and self-loving to find the courage to not only wear my curly fro as I call it around my family & friends on the weekends but to also be able to walk into my very typical Corporate-America workplace on a Monday morning with my curly locs still glistening from the mousse I scrunched in it only moments before the morning commute. So where it may not seem like such a big deal, internally I, as I am sure many other "naturals," had to at one point in time go through a physical and emotional transformation before being able to fully feel free and embrace who they are..curls, kinks, waves, and all! Thank God I'm pretty much over that part. But what brings me to today's dilemma: How to wear my hair this weekend while in Miami considering the heat, the humidity, and the beach. All weekend I struggled thinking about the many ideas and suggestions from friends ranging from my curly fro, braid sets, flat twists, to weave. I would love to wear my hair in a pressed out style but I ruled that idea out weeks ago. The moment I step one foot off the plane, my hair would look like a poofy animal was resting on top of my head therefore resorting me to ponytails the entire trip. So I wanted a style that would be grown & sexy but still versatile to look good with every outfit I plan to wear but yet low maintenance so that I can still sit out on the beach everyday and feel casual and relaxed. I decided to just wear my natual curls although I'm certain my fro won't fit under my new beach hat. Oh well, it's simple and with bobby pins & holding mousse I can style it for every occasion.

Glow

This song by Kelis featuring Raphael Saadiq is playing right now on my Pandora Radio. With approximately 10 unfinished blogs currently in draft mode I haven't been able to find the motivation, or inspiration rather, to complete and publish a single thought. Until now... Chanting the hook which goes "They'll just watch us glow" has me sitting here thinking. I love her lyrics to this song! Especially considering that last night he said I was glowing. The glow could have been from my Neutrogena Soy Radiance daily moisturizer finally starting to work after 6 months when the box clearly stated results in only 2 weeks. Or possibly the glow was a combination of the moonlight shadowing my glimmering MAC dressed eyes but it was cloudy and we were indoors. So realistically the glow was our connection shining through me. Kelis said it best "Boy you stole my heart so quickly." This is insane! Sometimes we get caught up and no common sense or reality can tell your heart otherwise. Damn I hate not being in the driver's seat at all times. Internal conflicts are the worst battles to have to deal with especially when your heart hasn't won a game yet...

In 2003

Hard to believe that it's been 5 years already. 2003 brought many great experiences and accomplishments as well as lasting memories. As cliche as it sounds, it feels like only yesterday. In 2003, 4 long grueling years of studying, speed walking through campus, darting across Broad Street, sitting in Curtis, and chilling in the SAC, came to an end as I graduated from Temple University! In 2003, I met and lived with my best friend kicking off a lifetime of memories and a tight squad of friendships. In 2003, I said farewell to many other college friends as we parted ways... Though we keep in touch a few times a year we will always have our memories. In 2003, I moved to New Jersey and began renting my very first apartment! The rent was outrageous but I learned a lot about adulthood and responsibilities. In 2003, I started as a Financial Analyst Associate in Lockheed Martin's Finance Leadership Development Program. So excited at the opportunity yet scared to death of the transition from college to the "real world". So today, 6 departments later, 3 levels higher, I celebrate my 5 year service anniversary with LM.

An Insomniac's Dream

friends, cats, to-do lists, sex, noises from outside, Zora Neale Hurston, deadlines, relationships, MONEY, redecorating, family, allergies, love, exercise, sadness, and doubt all webbed together in disarray stealing my mind away from a peaceful night's rest. As I shift over to lay on my back, I realize I am awake and this isn't a dream. My eye lids separate slowly in the dark and turn towards the alarm clock to read a glowing 12:06. ARGHHH it's after midnight...again!! I've been laying here for over an hour. Why is it so hard for me to fall asleep? Well, except for those nights I have a little wine with dinner or a Benadryl. The deep breathing technique isn't working tonight so I get up, light a few candles, and write. Writing nonsense basically just hoping this pen will laugh, scream, and cry out all the emotions and thoughts spinning out of control inside my head.

VA & Father's Day

Sorry fans, I've been a bit delinquent with the postings lately. You would think that taking the summer off from my MBA program would mean amble time to write and relax. But on the contrary, I've never been busier...

I just returned from yet another business trip but this time I felt disconnected from the universe. I didn't have Internet access during the day... no emails to friends, no IMs, and the biggest disappointment of them all - no blogging at work! I spent the week in Chantilly, VA and fortunately for me I was only 20 minutes from my friend's job. She had something planned for me every night which I truly appreciated. I kept thinking about that year I spent traveling back & forth to DC for work and had nothing to do. The majority of my time was spent working crazy hours in the office and eating dinner in the hotel alone. I really enjoyed myself this week though. Thanks friend!!

A belated Happy Father's Day... I spent some time with my dad on Sunday before driving to Virginia. I felt bad that I had to change our plans because of my last minute business trip but he understood and still appreciated the time we spent together. He kept saying he just wanted to see me and that was all. So we sat outside at the patio table in the backyard enjoying the warm weather. Later we drove to my grandmother's house to chill with her for a minute. When we got back to my parents house my brother & sister were in the kitchen at the table just like old times. We all sat around talking and reminiscing as well as laughing at the new stories my dad shared about retired life with mom and my brother's crazy stories which always end in him being chased by a dog! Those who think that I am fun-loving, caring, easy to talk to, and open-minded will fall in love with my dad. I look like him and share many of his traits and characteristics. I didn't get everything... I still can't tell a joke or narrate a great story the way he does but I'm blessed to also share his passion for knowledge and commitment to family. I've even been quoted as saying that he helped shape me into the woman that I am today. That's a very strong statement but if you know him, me, and the rest of the family then you already understand. I am very blessed to have him and I tell him every chance I get.

Good men should be honored; Good fathers should be praised.
-SJP

Does race matter?

On CNN this morning a journalist walked around New York City trying to get voter's reactions to Senator Obama's declared victory as the Democratic party presidential candidate.

History was made last night! I was on the phone with my dad most of the evening listening to the candidates and the political commentators. My dad was so proud of Senator Obama, as was I. My dad mentioned how excited his father would be too if he were still alive. My grandfather lived in the segregated south, Wilmington NC specifically, where for many years although Black Americans technically had the right to vote, unfair practices and laws such as the poll tax and literacy tests out right denied Black citizens their right. So yes, last night was a huge victory in Black History as well as a great moment in U.S. History. However, Senator Obama did not once claim this in his victory speech last night. And why would he? I ask again, does race matter?

Well according to the comments from a NYC subway commuter interviewed on CNN this morning I am inclined to say that there are far too many people that would answer Yes - they do not want a black man in office. The commuter stated that she was a Hillary Clinton supporter but if Barack was on the ballot in November she would vote for McCain. Seriously, McCain??? When asked why, this woman didn't point to any policies, beliefs, voting records, experience, or any other major issue affecting our country. This woman simply said, "I don't think America is ready for a black president." Hmmm. Interesting comment full of ignorance yet I'm sure thousands of other people in our society share this same opinion.

Race doesn't matter and it shouldn't play a role in this campaign. The better candidate should and will prevail. Senator Obama knows this and he is not making it the issue although everyone else is. My prayers go out to my fellow Americans - particularly those hiding behind their ignorance.

Never again

Why every time we hang out at that after-hours spot do I end up harmed?! I am really starting to live up to this nickname Penny
:(

So here are the top 5 reasons why I'm not drinking again (well drinking more than 2 martinis)...

5. Having the rams will get you hurt especially when you're only 5'1 and apparently attack yourself in your sleep.

4. My tolerance shuts down somewhere between 2 and 3 1/2 apple martinis.

3. Hangovers are not a good look including the one I had that lasted til this morning.

2. Bruises aren't cute; particularily the ones you don't remember getting.

and the #1 reason why I'm not ever drinking more than 2 martinis... I HAVE A DIVISION SIGN ON MY FACE!!!

Wake up & Work out

This song gets me hyped...the lyrics are hot! the funky beat is perfect for squats :)

To Maryland and Back

I live for good times with friends and this weekend perfectly captured the essence of friendship. The Sex in the City movie was a hit at the box office.. $56M and counting. I'm convinced that every woman in America went to see this movie. But why not? We all can relate to SITC. Regardless of what they go through - love, divorce, cancer, children, disagreements, careers, and distance - they put forth the effort to maintain their friendship. This weekend my best friend and I drove down to Maryland to visit our girlfriend. We had a great time just chilling and of course we went to see SITC! It was fabulous. All the style! All the drama! All the emotion! I want to see it again AND SOON! I just love how these characters represent the true meaning of friendship and why we all need girlfriends to love & support each other. I love my girlfriends so much!! And I love the Real Dudes just as much! LOL! When we got back from MD my friend and I frantically changed clothes and rushed over to Henney's birthday party (that's what I call him and I doubt I need to explain that name). Glasses of Hennessy all over the place but of course us classy chicas sipped on Martinis. I almost got groped by a drunken and under-dressed Mexican and I went to bed just as the birds started singing their morning songs but nonetheless we had fun.

Now back to the point I was trying to make about friendship...Someone made a remark in jest about us being the old squad as if we had been replaced. The thing is although I know it is very easy for this to happen, I truly believe that if both parties want the relationship to continue it will. Friendship is work! Just like a relationship but why don't people remember that?? You have to make an effort to call, to keep in touch, and to hang out as often as possible. The friendship will die otherwise... As I was in the middle of writing this blog I got a phone call from a friend. I shared my thoughts on friendship with her and she agreed. She went on to say that when all the girls are together we are ALL friends but too often we fall right back into being "Shakes' friend" or "D's friend" for example, and keeping in touch solely through other girlfriends. I know I've only been apart of the core group for 6 years now but 6 years is a long time. My goal now is to work on erasing many of those lines that sometime get in the way of developing and maintaining a true friendship.

Love Ya!

Muscle Machine

I'm on my way to becoming a lean, mean, muscle machine hahahaha!! Seriously, this past week I started taking my health more seriously by eating better and working out more often and consistently. I've never had a poor diet but at times I tend to over eat. Eating too much of a good thing is not good. Calories are calories. I won't go back to weighing and measuring my food because that was extreme but I am making a conscious effort to have portion control. And so far so good...after only 6 days I feel great; feeling less stressed and more energetic.

This morning I woke up a little early to get in a quick work out before I had to get ready for work and today has been one of my better days. Mind, body, and soul...I feel fabulous!

I think it helps to have reminders in your daily life to keep you motivated. I want to ensure that this is not a fad but a truly integrated part of my lifestyle. Seeing family members with heart disease and diabetes pushes me to fight the odds that are stacked against me but I also have positive motivators such as my upcoming trip to Miami in July.

Friends, please help be that motivation in my life as well! Let's keep each other healthy so that we can continue to make beautiful memories. Let's pledge to keep each other off the couch!!!

Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Bartley!!!

This past weekend my sister married the love of her life. The ceremony was beautiful and everyone looked amazing. It was probably one of the most fun receptions that I've been to in a long time. I love that both families have welcomed each other with open arms. I found it funny that my dad has already began sharing the secrets on how to deal with my mom's side of the family with his new son-in-law. As beautiful as the wedding was, getting to that day didn't come without obstacles but God saw them through. I pray for peace, happiness, and many blessings for their new family.

Love never fails... 1 Corinthians 13:8

It's my birthday!!!

I never like being the center of attention but I must admit it feels good letting others showcase their appreciation and love for me today. So many phone calls, emails, and text messages from family and friends wishing me a happy birthday truly warms my heart. In this day, every birthday is a milestone no matter how old you are. It's a blessing every single day that God wakes you up to enjoy another sunrise, another commute to work, another day to love and to make life better. To see another birthday is an event worth celebrating.

I had an incredible time partying with my closest friends over the weekend. I also spent a lot of alone time connecting with God as well as pampering my mind & body. I started my summer reading list - I know that sounds like I'm in the 3rd grade but I look forward to reading for fun when I'm on break from school. I also reflected on my accomplishments and created new goals and objectives for the future. So this year's birthday was more on the non-traditional side...no cake, no ice cream, no huge dinner party but I believe it was definitely my best birthday yet. Definitely better than last year. I pray I live to celebrate many more.

Thanks friends for making life more enjoyable... I thank God for each and every one of you!

Failure?

Trying to collect my thoughts and hold back any attempt at an emotional response, I did that cutesy thing I do with my shoulders and firmly stated "I don't have one". Damn I hate these types of questions. I hate being caught off guard. I never know what to say and to be honest I don't even understand why people believe it's an appropriate question to ask. As if my life, my success, my contribution to the community, my status in this world, and my ultimate happiness are all measured against one thing... marriage. Seriously let's think about this. Does that really make any sense? Ok, I'm probably over-reacting just a bit but if you heard the things that people say to me on a regular basis you would definitely be just as frustrated. Here are just a few examples... while in the process of searching for homes - to purchase as a single woman I must add - my father, who I love and respect very much but his comment rubbed me the wrong way, asks "why am I trying to buy a house now? Don't I want to get married?" Now that's frustrating!! What do you say to something like that?? I just said that I don't see how one effects the other and I left it at that. Here's another... why do people assume that something must be wrong with me if I'm single?? For the record, Never say "ohh so you must be crazy" to a woman's face... That hurts!

Don't get me wrong ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of one day meeting Prince Charming, falling in love and living happily ever after. But considering previous relationships particularly this last one I am in no rush to jump into a situation just because some people believe it's the right thing to do. It makes more sense to continue to grow and accomplish my goals as I have been doing and not getting caught up in the you're-getting-close-to-30-and-should-get-married-and-have-babies nonsense. As ideal as it is, I know in my heart that I can't handle that right now anyways. Plus, I let God's will take control..it will happen when it happens.

The older I get the more people ask "why aren't you married?" They act as if I'm 50 years old. I'm young... It's not my time... I haven't met the right one are the obvious answers. I know the intentions behind such questions are not meant to be malicious but sometimes I wish people would just mind their own business. I guess I never realized how much this issue bothers me until tonight. The question had a new spin..."How's your love life?" Wow! WTF?!? I haven't heard that one before! I know it's not a big deal, I could have easily answered and moved on or chose not to answer and still moved on but tonight for some reason I really got emotional - on the inside of course. It was just a question. He didn't mean anything by it. I totally understand that. I wouldn't ever want him to know how much it bothered me especially since I am the one who is probably being overly sensitive about it. Perhaps because I hear so much of this from certain family members. I go back & forth with grandmom still over the whole Shah break up. It's so stupid. Why do I even have to justify my decision when he was CRAZY and one swing away from being abusive.

Needless to say I know I'm really going to hear an earful in a few weeks at my sister's wedding. I'll have to be sure to put the thick skin back but for now, I have shed it, at least for this moment just to let the hurt out.

the suga continues

This is fun

Scene two in a different place, a different time. Caught up in memories I wasn't sure how to vibe but he led the way. I got acquainted with the mood infused with candles and music taking me to a level of sensual relaxation. No apple martinis this time but the energy was still sweet. I could taste it with every kiss. No, with every bite...bite of the delicious meal he prepared that is.
Wrapped together in passion we laid still listening to rhythm and blues into the morning. Our chemistry was heightened by the soft brassy sounds of the morning rain through the open window. Exposed, I felt unusually comfortable and at ease. The only thought on my mind was to hold on to that very second. Perhaps it's the sound of his voice that captivates me like an African drum and I feel more connected with every beat. Or maybe it's his songs that he shares allowing me to know what's on his mind and in his heart. Either way, I treasure the sharing and the caring lol. I hope he agrees or thinks this sounds interesting...

No Makeup

I'm not a cover girl but I rarely leave the house without at least some makeup on even if it's just lip gloss or mascara. Actually even sometimes when I'm just chillin in the house. With it, I feel like one beautiful & perfect, well put together package. Without it I feel a bit vulnerable as if I'm exposing all my flaws to the world.

This isn't really about make up. It's about letting go and showing the true you. What's real on the inside just as well as what's real on the out. Insecure is a scary word but we all have them. Some let their insecurities get the best of them when others have an unrealistic, over-inflated perception of themselves. The rest of us fall someplace along the spectrum in between these two extremes. I told a friend last week that I'm probably one of the most real people you'll ever meet. Today I was hit with a dose of reality when a family issue resurfaced. There are things that I cover up with make up, figuratively speaking, and some things that I just don't talk about at all not even in my blog diary. That's not keeping it real! I think what I should have said is that I am very honest, open, and straight forward with those that I am comfortable with seeing me with no makeup. I think that's normal though.